Archives for category: Uncategorized

1-22-10 Today I drove on 58 across the bottom of Virginia to Tennessee, thinking it was going to be a nice scenic drive, and maybe it was, but the fucking fog was so thick I couldn’t see more than …

Source: Moving Journal Day 4

Advertisements

1-23-2010   I woke up this morning and fondled Heather and laid some pipe. There was a large mirror near the bed and I liked posing and looking manly while doing it. Before we left, Heather pr…

Source: Moving Journal Day 5, Arriving in Oxford Mississippi

“Whenever you think you know what this book is doing, it stops doing it.  It rides the line between the Tao and something a nasty pre-teen wrote on the bathroom stall.  Most of all, though, through…

Source: MINIVAN POEMS

Bizarro Central

Voting for the Wonderland Book Award preliminary ballot begins now for the Best Bizarro Novel and Best Bizarro Collection of 2014. Please send your 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place votes in the Novel and Collection categories to bizarrocon@gmail.com with the subject line “Wonderland Book Award Preliminary Ballot.” Preliminary voting ends July 31st.
NOTE TO AUTHORS AND PUBLISHERS: Please do not solicit or campaign for votes.

NOVELS/NOVELLAS

Boot Boys of the Wolf Reich by David Agranoff

Deep Blue by Brian Auspice

The Fairy Princess of Trains by Christopher Boyle

American Monster by J.S. Breukelaar

The Last Horror Novel in the History of the World by Brian Allen Carr

Day of the Milkman by S.T. Cartledge

Leprechaun in the Hood: The Musical: A Novel by Adam Cesare, Shane McKenzie, and Cameron Pierce

Superghost by Scott Cole

Musclebound Mario by Kevin L. Donihe

The Bikings by P.A. Douglas

Captain K and the Bearded Man Boy by P.A. Douglas

King Dollar by Andre Duza

Repo Shark by Cody Goodfellow

Naked Friends by Justin Grimbol

I, Slutbot by Mykle Hansen

Zombie Park by Kent Hill

Hell’s Waiting Room by C.V. Hunt

Dungeons & Drag Queens by MP Johnson

Journey to Abortosphere by Kirk Jones

Long Lost Dog of It by Michael Kazepis

The Last Projector by David James Keaton

Terence, Mephisto, and Viscera Eyes by Chris Kelso

Atmospheres by Jon Konrath

Pax Titanus by Tom Lucas

Pus Junkies by Shane McKenzie

Toilet Baby by Shane McKenzie

Hungry Bug by Carlton Mellick III

Sweet Story by Carlton Mellick III

The Tick People by Carlton Mellick III

Pink Planet by Jon R. Meyers

Hamsterdamned! By Adam Millard

The Human Santapede by Adam Millard

Vinyl Destination by Adam Millard

Green Lights by Kyle Muntz

Hearers of the Constant Hum by William Pauley III

Dodgeball High by Bradley Sands

The Fun We’ve Had by Michael J Seidlinger

Mother of a Machine Gun by Michael J Seidlinger

Bigfoot Cop by Kevin Shamel

Slaughtertown Circus by K.M. Tepe

Big Trouble in Little Ass by Wol-vriey

The Fly Queen by Wol-vriey

A Lightbulb’s Lament by Grant Wamack

The Farrowing by Jesse Wheeler

Douglass: The Lost Biography by D. Harlan Wilson

Freud: The Penultimate Biography by D. Harlan Wilson

Hitler: The Terminal Biography by D. Harlan Wilson

COLLECTIONS

I Like Turtles by G. Arthur Brown

Misery and Death and Everything Depressing by C.V. Hunt

Flamingos in the Ashtray by Zoltan Komor

Paramourn by John Edward Lawson

I’ll Fuck Anything That Moves…And Stephen Hawking by Violet LeVoit

Our Blood in its Blind Circuit by J. David Osborne

Demons in the TV by Christoph Paul

Creep House by Anderson Prunty

Murder Stories for Your Brain Piece by Kevin Strange

Stranger Danger by Kevin Strange and Danger Slater

The Filing Cabinet of Doom by Madeleine Swann

Goddamn Electric Nights by William Pauley III

Junkyard Exotic by Grant Wamack

View original post

ATLATL PRESS

hardbodies-front-300dpi

Life isn’t easy for Eddie Grimboli. Marriage isn’t easy. Winter isn’t easy. Being fat isn’t easy. He can see up his dad’s nightgown. There is strange magic up there. If he stares long enough, he will see his future. This book is a celebration of sloppiness, marriage, grief, love, and being naked.

Hard Bodies
Justin Grimbol
Paperback and Ebook
140 pages
ISBN: 1941918042

FOR A LIMITED TIME (11/7-11/11) download the Kindle version of Justin Grimbol’s Drinking Until Morning for FREE. Thanks for supporting Atlatl Press!

View original post

My mom found a big rock, put her towel down then lay on her stomach so the sun could warm her back and legs. She was a big woman and she had lots of flesh that needed to get warm.

I sat next to her, with my feet in the murky creek water. Eventually I got bored. I stood next to her, kicking and punching the air. She laughed.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Leave me alone, I’m practicing.”

“Practicing what?”

“I’m a master Ninja,” I told her. “I have to practice daily, or I will be demoted.”

“How did you have time to become a master ninja, you are only eight years old?”

I sat back down. I explained to her that I had been practicing being a Ninja since I was a fetus. I had made little fleshy weapons out of her insides and practiced in the womb. Sometimes, when she was sleeping, I would sneak out of her mouth and go on missions.

“That’s fascinating,” she said. “Show me one of you moves.”

I did a jump kick and landed in the creek. I made a big splash. When I came up she was laughing and clapping.

“That was so good. You jumped so high.”

“It takes practice,” I told her.

“I’m sure. Now go on a mission.”

“What mission?”

“Go swim down the creek to where you aunt Eleanor lives. Tell her I want to have steak, potato and corn on the cob for dinner.”

I bowed to her, Ninja style, and then headed down the creek.

It started to get shallow. The rocks were slippery and sharp. I fell and cut my let. It wasn’t deep. But it hurt. I lay there. I called out to my mom. She couldn’t hear me.

I felt stupid. Who was I kidding? No ninja would fall on a slippery rock like that. Why had I lied to my mother? I was no master Ninja. I had never practiced in her womb. What a ridiculous idea. I had watched AMERICAN NINJA 1, 2, and 3, over and over again. That was all. And that made me a beginner Ninja, at best. What must it have been like for her to hear her son come up with such a creepy story? I felt ashamed. She must have known I was lying. Still, I had to keep going. I couldn’t ask for help.

I got up and walked over the rocks. Soon I was at another swimming hole. The cold water felt good on my scrapes and bruises.

It was a long trip. But I got to my aunts before sundown. I told her what my mom wanted for dinner. She rolled her eyes and laughed. She had a great laugh. Both her and my mother had great laughs.

“That’s what I was going to make anyway,” Eleanor said. “She knew that. We had already talked about it this morning.”

I laughed. I tried to laugh as hard as Eleanor. My mission had been pointless, but I didn’t care. I felt all bruised and tough.

“You have anything you want to tell my mom?” I asked.

I was ready for another mission.

 

Gigantic Death Worm, By Vince Kramer
This is one of the most wonderfully over the top books I have ever read. I read it late at night. My girlfriend kept waking up to the sound of me laughing hysterically. She got really annoyed. I kept thrashing around the bed acting like little kid that was being tickled. That’s how much fun it is to read this fucking book.
It’s packed with crazy. There’s tons bears that spit wolves, partying college kids, raunchiness, Mexican ninjas, death worm’s spitting out all sorts of crap, things getting bit off, partying, and pervert Mayans. All the characters are despicable, but by the end I found myself completely attached. It’s a real skill to take a despicable character and make them loveable without being sappy. And this book isn’t sappy, not even for a second.
I loved this so much. I bought it on kindle. But I’m going to have to buy the paperback as well. I need to be able to hold this gem in my hands.

As soon as I finished the book I wrote to the author and asked him for an interview.
Justin Grimbol: What was it like to write this book? You had to be cracking yourself up the whole time.

Vince Kramer: It was intense. I had my roommate/editor (Kevin Shamel) take away my internet router AND my cellphone, and I sat in a hot room in July and banged the whole thing out in three days. I’m so addicted to the internet that it was mandatory for it to be taken away. And it was even taken to another state (Washington) where there was no chance I’d get it back until Kevin came home. I was just at my friend Carl’s birthday party a few nights previous and he and my friend Cameron were talking about starting their three-day writing marathons that week. I had only been writing four pages here and there for months so I asked a lot of questions and got some killer advice on doing it. I mean, these guys are the masters. I think Carl wrote I Knocked Up Satan’s Daughter that week and Cameron wrote Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom. And I finished Gigantic Death Worm. It was almost too easy. I didn’t stop to edit and just had a lot of fun writing it. It was a blast, actually. And another awesome thing that Cameron said was that you know you have something when your own shit is making you laugh out loud. So yeah, I actually had many moments when I just couldn’t stop laughing after I wrote something. It was like, “Holy shit, did I really just write that?” And by the time I got to the part in my book where the worms are destroying the city, it was the 4th of July and everyone in the neighborhood was setting off fireworks all night. So, there were big sounds of explosions all around me every five seconds, and I just imagined it was the sound of Gigantic Death Worms destroying the fuck out of Portland. I think that really helped me with advancing that part of the story, LOL.

JG: How did you get introduced to Bizarro fiction?

VK: I grew up with Carlton Mellick and he’s pretty much remained my best friend since high school. When he started writing and moved to Portland ten years ago, I bought every single one of his books the week it came out on Amazon. It’s one of the coolest things ever to have one of your closest friends growing up become your favorite writer. Carl just was writing the kind of stuff I’ve always wanted to read. I didn’t even know there was a genre called Bizarro until years later and there were lots of other killer writers in the scene. Carl gave me a copy of one of Kevin Donihe’s books on a trip to Portland in 2005 and I immediately loved the fuck out of his writing too. And the Choose Your Own Adventure book Carl co-wrote with him blew my mind. And so, on subsequent vacations to Portland over the next few years to see Carl, the whole thing just started blowing up with Bizarro getting bigger and bigger. My vacations started to become very Bizarro-oriented. I was introduced to Mykle Hansen (who’s like a GOD), and tons of other great writers (AND people) in the scene like Cameron Pierce and Jeff Burk. And eventually Carl reeled me in, said he always thought I was kind of an aspiring writer, and made me go to Bizarro Con. I’m glad he did.

JG: You love toys. You brought a bunch out in a performance once. Did playing with toys help you write this book?
VK: Fuck yes, they helped a shitload. Playing with action figures really flexes your creative muscle and helps you out a lot with your characters, situations, and even dialogue. Worm-Head Girl was even birthed from me creating her action figure out of different parts one night for fun and annoying the shit out of Kevin with her. I took multiple forced perspective-shot pics of him being attacked and shot at by her. Kevin Shamel HATED Worm-Head Girl. It was the funniest thing ever. And by the time I had my story outlined and my characters rounded out on notecards, I had a figure from my collection for each one of them. Dave was Chuckles from G.I. Joe, since the character is kind of me and I’m blonde and like to wear Hawaiin shirts. Mike and Suzanne were Scarlett and Snow Job, also from G.I. Joe, because the characters came with skis and ski-poles. A Mexican ninja was Spirit, the Native American G.I. Joe, who had tons of killer weapons. I used that crazy dog cenobite from Hellraiser as one of my bears, my Snake Eyes figure came with a perfect wolf, and Spirit even came with little green snakes that were perfect for Dave’s brain parasites. And to top it all off, I had the huge worm toy from Dune that I had gotten from the vintage place here in Portland, Billy Galaxy, to pose as my Gigantic Death Worm. I had a perfect diorama of a whole fight scene from the book displayed on a giant crystal centerpiece on my coffee table the whole time I wrote the book. The toys are so fun I brought them to the performance at Bizarro Con for a little show-and-tell, and it definitely would be funny to shoot a video of them acting out a scene from the book. I’ve dabbled in that before with some Star Wars figures before and it turned out pretty hilarious. Action figures rule.

JG: Your writing style is so casual and so unique. How long have you been writing?

VK: Thank, dude! Well, just about 11 months really. I discovered flash-fiction back in January, and that sounded easy because it’s so short, so I started writing those like crazy. I guess I got a lot of practice because I ended up writing almost a hundred of them, probably enough for a whole book. I just wrote and wrote and I think I got a lot better as I went on. I think I gave up at one point though, but it wasn’t long before Kevin was at my house on vacation reading some of it and laughing his ass off. He was in tears. He was choking. At almost every line of my stories. I was really in shock. From that point on I got nothing but tons of encouragement from Kevin. And Kevin wrote one of the funniest books ever, Rotten Little Animals, which I was already a huge fan of, so Kevin really knows his comedy. I really don’t think I would have become an actual writer if Kevin hadn’t read some of my stories that night. Hearing someone laugh out loud in person at my shit really just nailed it for me. One of the main things I’ve always tried to do in my life is make other people laugh and I think with writing, I can succeed in that in a bigger way than ever before.

JG: Did you listen to music while writing this thing?
VK: Oh god yes. And this is a really funny thing. I’ve been collecting tons of vintage albums on vinyl since I moved to Portland, since we pretty much have the best record stores in the world. I’m a huge metalhead, but I’m also REALLY into the ‘80s. I had just started buying every single one of my favorite ‘80s pop bands’ albums I could find. Mike + the Mechanics, The Fixx, Devo, Talking Heads, Asia, Saga, The Cars, Loverboy, Cyndi Lauper, Billy Joel, Tears For Fears, The Power Station, Kajagoogoo, Madonna, The Romantics, Berlin, The Thompson Twins, Men Without Hats; you name it – I’ve got it. I have a pretty sweet record player set-up in my living room, and I’ve spun tons of these at all the big Bizarro house parties I’ve thrown up here. I had a big Caribbean Coconut Cup Drink Hawaiin Shirt Party (you’ve heard of those, right? LOL), and Billy Ocean’s “Suddenly” was in rotation a lot. Caribbean Queen is one of my favorite songs ever, and that record ended up staying in the player for a long time after. I just loved it. Me and Kevin even came up with a hilarious movie idea based on it about Billy Ocean’s private island, and the girl with amnesia who gets shipwrecked there and washes up on the shore, meets him, falls in love, gets her groove back, but then finds out she has cancer and dies or something. We called it “Into the Ocean” and came up with the tagline ‘She came out of the ocean, and got into his car.’ It was so fucking hilarious!! It was that one, and Nervous Night by The Hooters (the one with And We Danced and All You Zombies), that were the records I spun pretty much ALL THE TIME for a month. Couldn’t get enough, they’re just the best fucking records ever. So, by the time the writing of my book came around, I had bought a bunch of other new vintage records to listen to, but found they were really, really distracting since I hadn’t heard any of them yet. It turned out I literally couldn’t write anything unless Billy Ocean or The Hooters were playing. I was just so used to them! They were almost like white noise by that time. So, in the end, I really have to credit Billy Ocean a great deal for helping me write Gigantic Death Worm. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it probably wouldn’t have been written without him.

JG: If you could get one major actor to star in the film version of GIGANTIC DEATH WORM, who would it be?

VK: Oooh, that’s a tough one. I’ve never thought of that. Well, I think it would have to be Taimak, the star of that cheesy ‘80s kung-fu movie The Last Dragon. That’s pretty much the best movie ever. I have a framed signed glossy from him hanging on my wall that says “Vince – you got the power of the glow” (YES!), and it’s a big source of mirth and inspiration for me. But he’s black so they’d just have to make Gigantic Death Worm with black people, which would probably turn out really awesome. Hell, they could even just make The Last Dragon 2 and have a big death worm in the background destroying the city for no reason and I’d be pretty happy.

JG: What is your favorite part of this book and why?

VK: The scene in the newsroom with Mark Curtis and Lin Sue Cooney. Growing up in Arizona, I had to look at that guy and his big stupid mustache every night on TV for about 20 years. I always wanted to make fun of him, her, and their stupid fucking news show. I thought it would be funny to cut to a scene like that in the book, where they’re talking about the worms destroying the city and the correlation between that and 2012 likes it’s no big deal and they’re laughing about it, and then they just switch to a fun celebrity story. That’s what I always hated about newscasters – they’re covering some big tragic and terrible story and they smile the whole time to be personable and always add a little comment at the end they both laugh at. And someone just like, died horribly or something. LOL. So, I always wanted to lampoon that. And having the newsroom explode while it’s devoured by the gigantic death worm, and have everyone die a fiery death, I love it; it’s just so fucking hilarious. I laugh my ass off every time I read that page in my book. It’s my favorite by far.